Tramps face tough decision

In yet another cynical, empty gesture, big store off-licences in London have banned the sale of superstrength lagers like Carlsberg Special Brew.

Big Smoke tramps, who are usually unwelcome at stores like Tesco and Waitrose anyway, are now weighing up their options. Should they emulate their American cousins and take up sweet wine, join their Russian comrades in turning to vodka, or go Greek with Ouzo?

My advice is to plum for the new premixed Caipirinhas, the Brazilian “peasant’s drink” appearing in our stores. They may not be as good as the genuine article but have a good alcoholic kick (14.9%abv) and pleasing tropical flavour.

Update: 50 MPs sign petition for extra tax on super strength lager, including Formby MP Claire Curtis Thomas